Summary: The Joker has a BAD day.
Genre: AU OC
Pairing: The Joker/Desdemona
Disclaimer: I don't believe anyone owns the Joker. Joker for all! But I bet DC comics and Warner Bros. might disagree.
Author Notes: Mild Violence. You really should the "Moonlight" series for this to make sense. Comments are teh awesome!
The Joker began to wonder if her, perhaps, were the impulsive one. He had been walking for hours and was still miles outside Gotham. You couldn't lie to her in the car maybe? he thought, shaking his head.
He figured after a good burn off, she'd be back. Women. he scoffed, Blow up a few buildings together and the next thing you know they want your name on their ass. Still, Desi was kind of hot-blooded, and he found himself wondering what she might be doing while he was miles away in the woods.
Desi was in fact busy. It had been a productive night for her. After receiving a staff from Gambol and a few items from Moroni, she set to work welcoming her boy home. She started at the docks, removing every single gun, bullet, and explosive from his cargo storage. Using spray paint, she left a message for him, signed it, and left.
Next stop was each of the many cars he had stored around Gotham. Instead of stealing them, she had her crews simply remove each engine from every one of the cars. It was time consuming, but just imagining the look on his face when he discovered his illustrious collection of paperweights was totally worth it. Desi applied her lipstick and placed a big kiss on the windshield before packing up and leaving. "One stop left tonight, boys." she said.
"So how exactly does this work?" she asked, reclining on the sofa as she watched avidly. "Well, the sensor goes off when he arrives." the thief explained, "We set up a bypass to this intercom system so you can talk through it from your cell phone from anywhere." Desi nodded, absorbing everything. "Then all you gotta do is push this little button." The man continued, "And then..." Desi made jazz hands as her eyes grew wide with excitement. "Boom." she said, laughing.
"Are we all set?" she asked the mob. "Yes ma'am, we're covered." one man replied, nervously. Desi walked around, giving one final glance to the loft she once considered home. A sickened smile can over her and it seemed as though the light in her eyes came back. "Wonderful!" she exclaimed, "You have been most helpful, all of you. Let's go out for breakfast, my treat." she continued, ushering the men out ahead of her.
"That isn't necessary ma'am." Another thief replied. "Nonsense, we are all equals here, and any advice you have or wisdom I am anxious to learn. And in return, I need some information passed along among friends..." she continued, turning once to look around before closing the door.
Joker reached the outskirts of town, and headed toward the nearby parking garage. He found his car, pulled the keys from under the seat and settled into the driver's seat. Inserting the key, he turned it over just as her noticed the lipstick imprint on the windshield. He stared at it for a long time without blinking. He then sat up and tried the engine a second time. Nothing.
Joker ran his tongue over his teeth, reached down to pop the hood. Jumping out of the car, he walked quickly to the hood and lifted it the find the engine missing. He stared, stunned, before bursting into fits of laughter. He turned, leaning against the front of the car and bracing himself as he howled. Wiping a tear from his eye he mumbled, "That's my girl."
He then pulled a crowbar from the backseat of his car and crossed the garage to another car. Breaking out the window, he felt like a second rate hood as he pulled the wires and began stripping them. As the engine turned over, he looked up smiling. That was your one, Desdemona. He thought, proud of what he made. He chuckled to himself. and began driving home.
Desi sat in the restaurant, the only female surrounded by the underbelly of fair Gotham. Wow. she thought, Their manners are atrocious. Shaking her head, he took a sip of her coffee as her phone chirped. Excited, she waved the table to silence, shrugged giddily and opened the phone. From across town, the Joker heard her voice as in filled the loft.
"You look tired." she purred, as he looked around, knife in hand. "Desi baby?" he asked cautiously, "Where are you?" Desi covered her mouth to muffled laughter. He stalked slowly around the loft, "The cars thing, I gotta admit, it was funny." he said, looking around her her. "You aren't mad?" the intercom asked.
The Joker crossed into the bedroom, "How could I stay mad at you?" he charmed, "Harley could never pull anything like that off, I see that now." Desi looked across at the boys, all waiting for her reply. "Well, if that's settled, how about you take a shower and I'll make us some dinner." Desi grinned and looked at the boys as she spoke, "Then, maybe after, we could..." she giggled softly, "I've missed you baby. Just thinking of it makes my hands wander." Desi noticed several waitresses listening it, which she waved dismissively toward.
Joker dropped to his knees, checking under the bed for her. "That...sounds like just what I need." he said, looking around puzzled, "But what I really want is a kiss. I'm really not mad, sweetie, so what say we bury the hatchet and make up." His voice was sweet and kind, but his demeanor was anything but as he looked around, his eyes resting on the bathroom door.
He approached it slowly, licking his lips. Desi took a deep breath. "Ok baby, anything you wa... You know what, that was me two days ago." Desi clicked her tongue, and several of the guys grinned at each other. the Joker looked up, "What?" he asked. Desi leaned in, her mouth ver near the phone, "If you were smart, you never would've made an enemy of me. If you were really smart, you'd run."
The Joker pushed the door open to the bathroom to find it full of explosives. His eyes wide, he turned and began running. Desi counted to ten and pressed end. The explosion rippled through the streets and could be heard for miles. It rattled the windows of the restaurant, and desi turned to her crew. "Very impressive... Rusty, is it?" she asked. The man nodded, not really looking at her. "Well, good day all." she said happily "What say we meet around 11 tonight?" Desi then turned to the waitress and mouthed the words 'check please.'
""Why are we meeting tonight? I mean, he's dead, right?" Another asked. Desi swallowed her coffee, "Andrew?" she asked, and he nodded, "He isn't dead." she continued unabaited, "That was just to piss him off."
Desi paid the check and left a fifty on the table as she rose to leave. The group dispersed, and Desi went to rest, feeling victorious but also mildly nervous.
Throwing a large pillar of wood to one side, the Joker emerged. He was covered in soot and looked up to see his building gone. He didn't laugh, he instead cracked his neck and shook the dust out of his hair. He tightened his gloves and began a sort of stumble toward the car. With the messenger bag lost in the building, he was down to his one knife and had no money.
Making his way to the stolen car, he said to himself, "Desi, Desi, Desi, Desi." she sat down and leaned to start the engine, "Whatever will become of Desi?" he said as he threw the car into gear and began driving to the docks. As he drove, his anger mounted. He imagined her trembling, begging his forgiveness, clinging to him. He thought of the look on her face in the moonlight just the night before. Sure, she needs to be punished. he thought, She's too spirited for her own good. Maybe its time she had some scars.
He arrived at cargo storage feeling better, his mind pregnant with machinations of finding and punishing her. He walked up to the cargo hold, and stopped quickly. The lock was missing. Joker grabbed the door, throwing it open to reveal the cargo hold completely empty. He stood, dumbfounded, as he read her message scrolled on the inside wall. "Alimony is a bitch. -Desi XOXOX" He kicked the tables, and began growling loudly.
As he yelled his frustrations, Desi crossed glasses with Gambol. She sipped her champagne slowly, looking around the room as he looked at her. "That was a nice job you did this morning." He complimented. Desi smiled, leaning against the pool table. "Well, I had top notch assistance." she tipped her glass to him, "Thank you."
"That freak was crazy to let a girl like you go." he said, refilling her glass. Desi laughed, "Let's give credit where it's due. He was crazy long before that." She took a large drink, emptying the glass. "I actually have to go. I want to be rested for tonight." Gambol placed a hand on hers, which rested on the pool table.
"You could sleep here. No safer place in the city." He said smoothly, "That seedy hotel is no place for a lady like you." Desi looked up at him, "Aren't you married?" she replied. Gambol stood straight, "We have an understanding." he responded.
"Well, as flattering as that offer is, I don't do that." Desi said, turning to collect her things. "You might be careful, that's how the Joker got himself in this situation." As she walked to the door. Gambol spoke up, "You could just rest here maybe. You really aren't safe in a cheap hotel in Crime Alley." Desi turned, flashing him a smile.
"That's noble, but I like my cheap hotel." Desi replied, "It reminds me." She turned to leave. "It reminds you of what?" Gambol asked. "It reminds me not to climb in bed with powerful men." She replied over her shoulder as she walked out the door.
Ain't No Sunshine Part I Part II Part III
If you're lost, check out the first story, "What a Little Moonlight Can Do"
Final Chapter and links to all previous chapters here